Reflection

It's the first of the year and, like most, I am pondering.

Thinking about why I do what I do, if I'm going to continue to do somethings, add new things, regain a love for old things etc.

I love reading over at Prior Fat Girl.  If you follow the link you can read about how she has been reflecting back on why she started her weight loss journey.  That, of course, got me thinking about the before of it all.

Many of you may not remember this:

Hannah and I

This was before kids.  A lot of people remark, "Well, you've had 5 kids!"  My issues started far before children.  In this picture I weighed in around 220lbs (I'm Rain Man when it comes to remembering exactly how much I weighed and when, no issues here).

As with most women my weight only went up during pregnancies and I sky rocketed to 267lbs during my first pregnancy.  This is right after Brennan was born.

It wasn't until after Tanner's birth that I decided I was far to young to have let myself go.  Now that I've been "thin" for 9 years I tend to forget why I decided to make a life change in the first place. 

The bigger I became, the more invisible I was to those around me.

The last 9 years has been a journey.  In that time I've been way too thin (25lbs lighter than I currently weigh) and overly obsessed with self.  My issue went from overeating to over managing.  It was all I thought about and all I spent time on.  This is me at my thinnest (and most unhealthy emotionally, spiritually, and physically).

Elijah and I

The thinner I became, the more invisible God and family were in my life.

It has been a roller coaster.  It's been a struggle to find balance, to find peace. 

This year I took on the challenge of running a marathon only to end up injured in the last 3 weeks of training.  That was a devastating blow to ego and to my will.  

So, what will this year hold for me?  How will I handle this battle for my life both spiritually and physically?

It is my goal to handle it with grace.  I am entering a stage of my daughter's life where how I handle this becomes a building block for how she will manage it in her own life.

I have decided to sign up for a 1/2 marathon in May.  It's a more reasonable goal and will allow me to have the drive to continue in my exercise.  It's a chance to bond and engage with my Christian sister's verses just doing it for my own physical benefit.  I have a couple friends planning on the same race and we're going to travel together.   

On Feb 18, Mission Lake Christian Camp has a woman's retreat and I have been asked to speak on being F.I.T. physically, spiritually, and financially.  I feel like for the first time I am finding balance in this area of my life and can use my 9 year journey to help others.