Too Much

I haven't been on here in so long and I'm not real sure why I'm on now other than I'm struggling and this has always been very cathartic. 

Yesterday was one of the more traumatic experiences of my life. 

The day before Thanksgiving we put our beagle down.  It was sudden and very hard on our kids.  We had her for 6 years plus and they don't really remember life before her.  Watching my children grieve is so very difficult. 

My reaction to loss is life, to add on.  When my dad died we had Anneliese.  Something about looking forward to life brings hope and clears away the darkness of grief.

Three days after Sophie died I found a kitten.  A beautiful little fur ball that brought so much happiness and snuggles.  We named her Ping, short for Penguin due to her black and white coloring and Liesey's obsession with all things Penguin.

She is half ragdoll half Norwegian Forest.  She is so tiny and such a lover.  It was obvious very quickly that we had hit the kitty lotto.  Quickly trained, super playful, not aloof at all, snuggled her way into our hearts.  She immediately lifted the spirits of our house.

Yesterday morning I was working on laundry.  I pulled baby Ping out of the empty dryer three times over the course of several loads of laundry.  Each time I took her to Anneliese's bedroom trying to redirect her.  I hadn't ever heard of kittens getting into front loading washers (which is apparently very common with front loaders) and honestly, I wouldn't have ever thought it a possibility since it is wet. 

I loaded some laundry and then went to our bathroom to get a couple more items.  While I was away she apparently hopped into the basin and we were completely unaware.  I put a few more items in, never saw her, she didn't meow or anything.  I started the load.

Fast forward a hour later when the buzzer went off and I went to change out the load.  To my horror, our baby kitty had been trapped inside.  I scooped her up and screamed for Jared.  I can't even describe the absolute panic and terror I felt/feel.

I was so in love with her tiny self.  We all were.  To see my children's faces, to see them break down and suffer through a loss again and knowing it was my mistake, I am absolutely beside myself.  Not only did we all just love her but the way in which she died.  Finding her.  I am so heartbroken.

If you have a moment I would greatly appreciate prayer.  Prayer for healing, prayer for forgiveness,  prayer that the image of finding her would fade. 

Weekend Project

As we prepare for the upcoming school year, I have been tossing around the idea of switching out my "china cabinet", "buffet", or whatever you wanna call it.  It's almost 6ft long and while I have always LOVED it, it just served as a catch all.  I can't fathom it's been cleared off for more than 24 hours since we moved in 2 years ago.

While browsing Facebook swap and shops, I saw this cute cabinet but we just didn't have the extra money so I dismissed it.  I kept thinking about it and even mentioned it to my friend Michelle.  I felt it would open up the kitchen while providing storage for school.  She immediately asked if I would sell her my current cabinet.  I checked to see if the Facebook cabinet was still available and it was!

Here it is!  I don't know if you can see but near the top there are two brass hook and eye closures screwed into the doors.  Ugh, Frustrating because this is an antique with dove tail joints.  I removed those, filled the holes, and installed magnet catches.  It's only 3 feet wide and the difference in space amazing.  It needed a little TLC so first thing was to replace the shelving supports.  They were tiny and split, not to mention stapled in.  I don't know how it held all the books the previous owner had in it!

I love Home Depot's cutting area.  I bought the 1x2 (for $1.25) and they cut it into 6 12" sections for me.  These are literally twice the size of the previous supports.  I glued and screwed them in.  Perfect!  Now it's time for paint.  The interior was multiple colors and now with my new parts it needed a fresh coat of paint.  Red paint of course.

After all those are chicken wired doors and a pop of red is my favorite decorating tip.  After painting the shelving, I couldn't wait to get them on their new supports.

While at Home Depot I picked up a 6ft board to make the Bakery sign I have been wanting for 2 years.  While I waited for the red to dry I attacked my new board, quite literally.  I hammered, sanded, hit, poked, and whacked it.  Once it was sufficiently distressed I painted it.  I was really wanting a hand painted sign that looked like a poor old baker threw it together and had it out front of his bakery. 

So here's the finished product!  Our new dining room and all it cost was a whopping $10 for the wood.  We had the paint and I sold the old cabinet for what the new cost.  The kitchen and dining room seem to have doubled in size.  Not so bad!!!

Random Thoughts

-Brennan comes home today after another week at camp.  This marks the end of church camp for our crew but they have VBS all next week at a neighboring church.  I'm excited because they offer dinner for the kids.  A whole week with no dinner prep for 5 kiddos?  Genius! 

-I am going to give up artificial sweeteners for at least the next month.  This is really huge for me.  Ever since I joined Weight Watchers 10 years ago I have consumed buckets of the stuff.  This decision will pretty much remove soda from my diet and that will be hard, but normally when I remove soda I drink tea laced with Splenda.  So...I guess I'll have to try this stuff called water (and an occasional Pepsi, my regular pop of choice).  I read an article posted by Ms. Jane that it can wreak havoc on gluten intolerant peeps (I don't know if you read Brit F. but that "peeps" was for you).  Slowly but surely, I'm willing to give up just about anything for a trouble free tum.  It some ways I really do feel blessed by this diagnoses.  My addiction to food is being tossed out with 70% of the food pyramid. 

-Jared and I are undergoing serious dental visits.  It's always been important to me to make sure the kids are cared for and with 5, even at UMKC Dental school, it's kept us on our financial toes.  I'm afraid we've neglected ourselves and now we're paying for it quite literally.  It seems as if we are making weekly visits to their campus between the two of us.  Brush, Floss, Rinse, everyday all day!  Otherwise you'll have no teeth and ain't nobody got time for that!

-It's mid July and I refuse to even think about school.  I love love love my summer days.  They go by wayyy too fast.  We don't typically start school until the first of September but I need to figure out what we need book wise and at least think about paying for it.  Anyway, anyone want to go swim???  :)

-God is so good.  I've had Liesey K Cakes public for a couple months and I have had a nice steady stream of business.  It has saved our bacon over the last couple months and is such a blessing.  I actually have two openings this weekend if you need some cookies/cupcakes/or a cake!

YUMBO Quick GF Low Carb Pizza

I just made such a yummy dinner I just had to share. 

First of all you need a round dish with about 1" high sides.  I used my smallest cake pan which is a 5" round.

Line it with parchment paper.

In a separate bowl mix 1 egg, 1tsp baking powder, 1/4 cup almond meal, 2TBS flax meal, 1TBS olive oil, garlic salt, onion powder, oregano to taste.

Spread egg mixture into the bottom of the pan.  Smear some (about 2 TBS) pizza sauce (I use Ragu Spaghetti sauce because it's GF and a family fav).

Then top with fav pizza toppings.  I used pepperoni and jalapeno. 

Finish with cheese and throw in the oven at 415 degrees for 12 mins (or until cheese starts to brown around edges). 

You now have a personal pan pizza that is gluten free and low carb, full of protein, fiber, and healthy fat!  It was so good and I was so excited to have a new option for a quick delicious meal.  I ate every bite all by myself.

Summer Fun!

We love the zoo

The zoo were there aren't many animals but lots to ride :)

Trying to get a better look

While the older boys and Dad were at camp we took the Young's to the zoo and had a beautiful day to linger about. After several hours (4.5 to be exact) we headed home and took a dip in the neighborhood pool. What a fun day with great friends!

There's Icecubes, But It's Open!!

We ventured out to the pool yesterday. It was chilly and overcast but I obliged. Tanner was there I promise. He just didn't get in the pics. He's a tad camera shy :) They lasted a hour before lips turned blue and they were ready to head out.

Memorial Day Fun

Lovin' The Zoo

our favorite exhibit

Our handsome crew!

love this, such a cutie

handsome man

Best Friends

Four older brothers, so of course she picks it's nose

she kept squeezing too tight and choking him, he was a good sport

CAUGHT YOU!  Eli DOES love Graham.  SEE??

They always line up in birth order, so funny

SKY SAFARI!!  My fav!

Goofy weirdos :)

A Whole Lotta Nephews

Poor Zayne, that sun is bright Auntie!

wardrobe malfunction :)

Liesey-Loo

Brennan's all about the babies

Can't get enough of this little guy

sweet boys

Great Grandma Jean

Spent the day with a special lady

All the grand kids,

cousins,

spouses,

ate and chatted

posed for a few pics

learned about an iPod

stopped and smelled the flowers

Thank you Grandma Jean for having all of us over.  We know how much work it is and we were so blessed by a beautiful day.  Love you so very much!!!

It's Not a Mug, It's a Memory

 This morning I'm sitting on my porch sipping coffee, smelling the fresh air, and watering bald spots in my yard.  My mind and heart are full of nostalgia.

My Dad's birthday is Thursday.  He's been on my mind a lot.  When I was really young he had a favorite mug.  It was avocado green on the outside and white on the inside, simple, old.  I remember getting up in the mornings on occasion before he headed off to work and he would be in his work clothes, windows open, sitting, sipping on a cup of coffee.  The mix of spring/summer air and coffee brewing takes me there so quickly.

I'm not sure he'd even remember the mug, but I do.  It was there and then it was gone.  Broken, discarded, but I remember it.  It took a while, months, to find one.  I was thrilled when I finally came across what I now know is green milk glass made by Fire King. 

It will sit on a shelf, safe from tiny hands. But once in a while, on mornings like today, I will pull it out and have a cup of coffee with my dad.