Philippians 4:8

A few weeks ago I was sitting at the computer surfing around on Facebook when I had a thought...

"Should I delete my facebook account?"

It struck me funny because I've never considered such a thing.  I thought to my self that maybe it was God prompting me so I decided to pray about it and think on it for a while and see if it is indeed something that would benefit me.

As the days passed, I just kept thinking about if it brought anything positive to my life.  I honestly couldn't come up with much but I could come up with story after story of how I either upset someone or I was upset by someone else.

I know that this world doesn't revolve around me and a lot of what people put on there is not primarily for my consumption.  At the same time, it is there for me to read and if I am getting upset or offended by things, isn't it my responsibility to stop reading it?  How much of that stuff would I be completely oblivious to if I were to just not get on Facebook multiple times a day.

So here's my decision.

I have removed Facebook from my phone.  I no longer have instant access to whether or not you are eating a sandwich, going to the gym, or are annoyed by the clerk at Wal-Mart.

I will leave my account up for now since it is the only way some people communicate, but I am going to limit how often I access it.

I love my blog and since my Dad passed it has been a very cathartic tool towards healing.  It's also a tool to show our distant family what's going on and how much our children are growing.

But, I also have total strangers who read my ramblings and feel a familiarity towards me and I haven't even met them.  I actually had someone greet me by name that I had never met and found out later in the convo that they read my blog and knew a lot about me.  It's not that I don't appreciate my readers, I do I really do!  It's that it almost steals an opportunity for us to get to know each other vs you knowing me and I couldn't pick you out of a lineup.  It actually detracts from making true friends I think.

I will continue to blog about this and that, but I'm going on a Facebook hiatus.  If you message me via FB I will get an email alerting me and I will respond, or you could use my personal email or here's a thought...call me or come by!  I always have coffee at the ready.

Philippians 4:8

New International Version (NIV)

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Sorry Isn't Just a Board Game

Who am I and what am I doing here?

Ever since I've been on this anti-depressant (Wellbutrin SR) I am the most forgetful person you will encounter.

I can't carry on a conversation without great frustration.

I will have conversations and commit to things and have no recollection of it just hours later.

Texting used to be the best way to get a hold of me and now I'll hear the sound go off and be in the middle of something and completely forget to check the message!  Or I'll read it real quick and not have the time to answer and then forget to answer all together.

If it weren't for the fact that my husband notices a significant improvement over all I would stop taking it.  A lot of the issues that were plaguing me have subsided but this new one is very frustrating!

So this is my blanket apology.  If over the last 4 months I have forgotten something, or failed to respond, or flat forgot who you are, you are in good company.  My poor children have to introduce themselves to me each morning....  Okay maybe it's not that bad but it's pretty bad...

Please accept my apology!

Random Thoughts

-Jared and I have been struggling a bit in the encouragement department the last few months.  Ministry is difficult at times and can drain emotional reserves.  God is faithful and brings encouragement just at the right time.  This week we received a card and it made me cry and cry.  There are times that I worry that being in the ministry will leave me more broken than when I entered it.  A simple card of encouragement reminds me that we are in His will and He hears our cries and uses His people to remind us of His love.  God is faithful.

-Today my boys come home!  YAY!  It's been really quiet without them.

-Last night Jenny H took Brennan and Graham, and Jared had basketball.  Somehow I went from having 5 kids and hubby to just me and the girl.  We went for ice cream, but as soon as she went to bed I took a hot bath.  It was nice, for one night.  I like a full house.

-I've been going to this running class on Wednesday nights up in Leavenworth.  It's super tough but a great workout.  We run in the grass, up a hill, in the heat, in the humidity.  I understand know why people hire me to train them.  I do so much more with someone rooting me on and encouraging me.  Having him design the workout and then push us to complete it all while giving homework, is quite the motivator.  It's just for June and July so I think I'll look into finding a running group after we're done.  This social bug really enjoys the workouts so much more if I'm not alone.

-My scale has been gone for over a month.  My husband decided it was dictating my mood and removed it.  I got up one morning for my daily routine, went to pull it out before getting into the shower and it was gone.  It was funny at first, then I got irritated, now I'm on to acceptance.  Apparently my relationship with the scale was more than I had realized.  I asked him to bring it home the other day and he agreed but forgot.  It's okay, I really am better without it.  It's been good for me to just be healthy.  Running, eating clean, and trusting God that I won't implode without knowing my daily weight.

-I really must be getting old.  I was so excited that it rained last night, for hours.  I woke up this morning wondering how many inches we got.  Since when is this a blip on my radar?!!!!

-My summer is passing too quickly, I love having the freedoms summer brings.  I pray for a renewed spirit when it comes to schooling.  Right now I'm dreading the fall trying to cling to the easy breezy days of summer.  Maybe I should take a lesson to how I respond to exercise and do the same in schooling.  This social bug needs community in order to not dread homeschooling???  Hmmmm

Brown Bear

Yesterday I took a van load of kids up to camp.

I had Cora, Kelby, Trent, Samantha, Tanner, and Elijah.

We left the church around 1:30 and we were the first campers to arrive.  After checking all the kids in and making sure they were settled, I wandered around a little bit not wanting to leave.

On the ride up I started getting really anxious about leaving Eli.  He just turned 8 and he's not really even done very many sleep overs (maybe one or two).  He's a big boy, but he's still very young.

During my wandering I walked into the canteen to look at the T-shirts and Eli followed me in.  It was just the two of us and I told him I was struggling to leave him.  I teased him about who would tuck him in at night, and kiss his face etc (I typically have to pin him down to the floor, he's not a willing participate).  

My strong straight faced little man tucked his face into the crook of my arm and began to cry.

NOOOOOO!!!! 

I asked him why he was upset and he said he was just a little scared but not to take him home.  He wanted to stay.

Rip my heart out!

I loved on him and then he started giggling through his alligator tears.  He was so excited just a little apprehensive. 

Please pray for all the kids and the staff that these young impressionable children have a wonderful week learning more about Christ.

Randomness

-Graham lost his first tooth. We had a expensive long visitat UMKC Dental School yesterday.  All but Brennan (he's at camp) had their cleanings and x-rays.  Graham had a super loose tooth and they cleaned it only to have it fall out moments later.  Too funny.

To all you mom's out there.  Weird question...Do you keep your kids teeth?  I have a small drawer in my jewelry box that is becoming inundated with tiny teeth.  Jared thinks it's disgusting and I'm beginning to agree.  My mom always kept ours so I've done the same.  Now that I have a rather large collection, and two kids left, what do I plan to do with said body parts?  Do you keep your kids teeth???  If so, what do you plan to do with them?

-Mommy had a slight melt down yesterday.  It was the normal mom feeling of, HELP!!!  I can't do everything!  Rational or not I was upset and yesterday afternoon Elijah, our once angry little bear, came up to me and said, "let me know when you pick up next."  Befuddled I just looked at him and said, "pick up what?  What do you mean?"  He leaned his fuzzy head into the crook of my arm and said, "I love you and don't want you to be the only one that cleans up after all of us.  Tell me and I will help."  If you're keeping track at home, Elijah is now my favorite.  (Kidding of course, please don't email me).

-Brennan is winding down his first full week at camp.  You would think with 4 others at home we wouldn't really notice his absence.  We all miss him.  Everyone at one point has mentioned wishing his funny, smart self was home.  Tomorrow can't come soon enough!  I'm in denial that the middle two leave Sunday. 

-We took our tiny Gus in for his first grooming.  I asked for a "puppy cut."  Meaning they basically even out his coat, trim his toe nails, clean his ears, and clean up his face so we can see his eyeballs.  I thought we were in complete agreement.  So you can imagine my shock when I walked in and didn't even recognize my little pup.
Before:

Cute!

 After:

Not so cute

grrrrr

Eli kept saying, "I thought they were going to make him cuter, he just looks naked."  Gus was a very fluffy puppy that is fun to snuggle, now he is a tiny boney puppy that looks like he needs a cheeseburger.  Ugh, it's just hair right?  It will grow back...eventually...

Wonder Years

It seems as if our family has entered a new stage of life.

It's kinda weird for this homebody homeschool mom.

At any given time, over the last couple weeks, I will only have only a portion of my kids at home.

Last week was Wallula's VBS so we sent our older 4 over.  Jared got up with them, delivered them, and brought them home.  Anneliese and I were home alone for 3.5 hours each morning.

Tanner and Graham have decided to take up residency at the Haggerty's since their best friends are Trent and Tommy.  They stayed the night twice last week and spent full days on either side of the sleep over.

Brennan is at Mission Lake Christian camp this week.  He'll be gone the full week since he is now in Junior High!

Next week Tanner and Elijah will be gone through Thursday for their Mission Lake experience.

We've also decided that it's time to start testing the older two with spurts of staying home.  If I need to run a red box movie back to McDonald's two miles away, I'll take the younger kids and let the older two stay home.  So far these little tests are about 15 minutes long, but it's about time to start letting them have a little freedom/responsibility.

I don't know if it's because there are 5, or if it's because I'm getting older or what exactly, but this is awesome.  I'm ready to move forward.  We were in the baby stages for so long and I mourned each baby growing until Anneliese.  I just knew we were complete.  So instead of mourning, I savored.

It's fun to see them mature and grow.

We giggle constantly at their wit and humor.

We roll our eyes and grin at the voices cracking.

"Are you wearing deodorant?!"  Is asked daily.

These are the years that they will remember, the years they will savor. 

Omaha Zoo

Jared and I started taking our kids to the Omaha zoo many years ago

We fell in love with it and have gone back and loved it just as much the second time.

It's humid in the rain forest sorry about the fog

And then after having Anneliese we just had to go again so she could meet her most favorite animal on the planet, the penguins.

Anyone else notice that tree is getting smaller and smaller???  :)

Friendships

I was feeling rather melancholy this evening and just did a search on google, "Why are friendships so hard?" 

I'm not sure what I'd thought I'd find.  Maybe someone else out there who feels like she's the only loner that really struggles with making this thing called "friends" work. 

I came across a blog called Grace Covers Me that really spoke to me so I thought I'd share:

Friendship is Hard (and How to Make it Easier)

It seems I am not the only one who struggles with friendship. After my nursing bra post, women shared their own friendship woes with me or simply affirmed my "friendship is hard" statement. We're all in the same boat, it seems. Too, your responses still have me thinking. Aside from the logistical issues of marriage, children, and work responsibilities that make connecting difficult, why are adult friendships so hard?

Thinking on this question, I was reminded of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's thoughts on Christian community in Life Together: 

It is easily forgotten that the fellowship of Christian brethren is a gift of grace, a gift of the Kingdom of God that any day may be taken from us, that the time that still separates us from utter loneliness may be brief indeed. Therefore, let him who until now has had the privilege of living a common Christian life with other Christians praise God on his knees and declare: It is grace, nothing but grace, that we are allowed to live in community with Christian brethren.

In other words, we are not guaranteed or entitled to heart friends. They are gifts of grace, and when we catch glimpses of sisterly love, we must receive it as such with deep gratitude. 

Bonhoeffer doesn't say it, but his words imply it: friendship does not come easily. We tend to believe the myth that friendship should be easy, requires little effort, or, most debilitating, that we're the only one who is having such a hard time with friendship.

Why doesn't God make it easier on us? After all, He calls us to live in community with others, to let our love for one another be a light to those in darkness. I prayed to Him for years for a good friend where I lived, but didn't see His answer. I believe He allowed those seasons of friendship dryness so that I would not put anyone else in His place, so that I would rely on Him to meet my deepest needs. Through that season, I also developed an eye and a compassion for the women standing on the fringe longing for connection.

But I also don't think I recognized how He answered my prayers. I wanted that one, catch-all friend, like the best friend I had growing up. I hadn't learned yet that the rules of friendship dramatically change after college. Whereas I once lived with friends and moved through life in one big circle of love, adult friendships require so much more effort, time, and breaking through insecurities (What's up with that? That's fodder for another post). Thinking my adult friendships would look like my high-school or college friendship, I didn't have eyes to see friends right in front of me. I put way too many parameters on friendship: they have to go to my church, they have to have the same-age kids, I have to like their husband, they can't be in a different life stage, they have to be on the same page spiritually.

Too often, I also just waited around, assuming they would come to me if they wanted to be my friend. When we moved from that town, I saw it all so clearly, all the opportunities I missed to know and be known. By God's grace, I got to start over and approach friendship differently.

Do you need to change your approach? Do you need to release your ideal picture of friendship and ask God to show you the potential friends right in front of you? Initiate, be curious, practice openness to people different from you or different from the idea you have for what a friend should be.

Soon you will see relationships developing with women of all different life stages and personalities and ages, all gifts of grace from God.

I Got You Babe

Long ago in a land not far from here, where teenagers like to run a play....

Mission Lake Christian Camp 1992

A handsome young boy in a football jersey caught the eye of a redheaded girl.  She introduced herself and flirted with the handsome boy and before she knew it he was professing his love for her.

No seriously, it was like two days later...  Don't worry the feeling was mutual.

The couple dated like regular teenagers, going to nursing homes, and 5th Sunday Sings at local churches, youth group, and Wednesday night bible study at the Pastor's house, and of course Prom.

Senior Prom 1995

There was no doubt in their minds where they were headed.  Many conversations and tears were had at the thought of how long they would have to wait to marry.  After all they were only 15 when they met.

At 16 he came to her with very serious news.  He told her he had a calling on his life and God wanted him to preach.  He explained it would be a hard life (he was 16 going on 50) and wanted to know if she was still willing to stay by his side.  She didn't hesitate, she told him, "I will follow you wherever."

As soon as they were both 18 he asked for her hand in marriage.  She answered with a resounding YES!

June 1, 1996 I DO!!

On June 1st, 1996 they were wed in Lawrence, Kansas.  They had no idea what God had in store for their lives.  There were difficult times of course, but over the last 16 years their lives have been blessed, over and over again (they have 4 boys and 1 girl).

Omaha Zoo with the family

Christmas 2010

My surprise 30th bday party

They love each other more today then they did 16 years ago on their wedding day.  God is good, He has sustained them, ministered to them, and bonded them in a way that will last for decades to come.

Thank you Jared Altic.  Thank you for being loving, being consistent, for being strong, for being bold.  I am blessed to be your wife and am honored to live happily ever after by your side.