My husband calls me "the sickest healthiest person" he's ever met. I didn't think I was a whiner, but apparently I complain to him constantly about neck and back pain. Chiropractics don't help for more than a day and then I'm hurting again. I live with heated up corn bags around my shoulders (thank you Michelle!) for relief.
A little over two weeks ago Jared insisted I visit the doctor. By insist, I mean he called and text me incessantly until I finally called for an appointment.
I didn't want to go. I felt foolish. What was I supposed to say to her, "I typically don't feel well, what do you think it is?"
Jared pressed because he had the next day off and thought I could go without the kids. I waited until 3:30 to call figuring there was no way they could get me in the next day. I was wrong, my appointment was for 9:30am.
I had serious anxiety going in. My allergies have been particularly rough so I figured I'd start with that. I had Jared text me a list of the things I complain about the most so I could share it with her.
Here's what he sent:
neck and back pain
tension headaches
weight gain (20lbs since last March)
sleeps 10+ hours at night still naps plus fatigue
I asked her to draw my labs for thyroid again. I've been in before with a similar complaint a few times over the last two years. I ask her to draw my labs and put me back on the thyroid meds, the labs come back normal, she refuses the meds and I go home frustrated.
She very gently, yet firmly, refuses to even draw my labs. She looked straight at me and said, "Shannon, you're depressed. It's not your thyroid."
I felt as if she slapped me. I started crying and said, "But I'm happy. I love my husband, I love my kids and we just moved into a beautiful house. Life is good!"
She asked, "Then why are you crying?" I knew she was right. I have been struggling and fighting off the depression feeling like it had no right to be there. She explained that the physical pains I had were from leaving the depression untreated for a prolonged period of time.
She asked me to go on a medication for two months. She said that if the physical issues don't subside, and I don't feel better, she'll draw all the labs I want.
I took the prescription, went to my car and cried. I felt like a failure, I felt shame. I'm strong, or so I thought. I've been on meds before for depression but it was always post-partum and I felt like it was beyond me due to the hormones. That made sense to me. This didn't, I was blindsided.
It took me a while to work through it all in my mind. I went ahead and started the medication thinking I would prove her wrong. Within a week the physical pain started to subside. After about 10 days my nights became much shorter and I no longer needed a nap. Now it's been over two weeks and I've lost 5lbs and feel better than I have in a long time.
The fog has lifted, the pain is gone, and I am back.
1 comment:
You're right! There is no shame & I am so glad you're feeling better!
Post a Comment