The house is cool, a few windows open, and the coffee was soo good. I slept hard last night and was in a pleasant mood. I clicked over to facebook and saw Jen at PriorFatGirl had a new post. I started reading through and catching up on her blog when I saw her post entitled I am a work in Progress.
Within minutes I was a crying like a baby. She gets it.
While on vacation to Omaha, Neb years ago Jared and I went to the Omaha Zoo. While there, Jared videoed me showing the kids the Macaws. I was squatted down at the kids' level and pointed up to the birds. In the video, my belly skin pulled out of my waist band and hung over. In the shot, a young couple can be seen as they notice my skin and the woman points it out to her spouse and they both grimace. I was completely unaware until we watched the video back in our living room days later. I was mortified. She gets it.
I work hard, exercise hard, and my goal is health. I am not trying to become some kind of model, or wear a bikini, or achieve some kind of physical perfection. There are days when I am insecure and no amount of sucking it in, or strength of Spanx can fix what I feel. She gets it.
This is my comment on her post:
I have to say I had a surprising reaction to the post. I cried, and cried, and cried. I sat in front of the computer reading it over and over until a friend called and snapped me out of it. I lost 86.2 lbs through Weight Watchers. I’ve had 5 children and at my heaviest weighed 270lbs. I have gained and lost weight back down to my goal 3 times since my original weight loss due to pregnancies. Needless to say I have skin around my middle that floats to the surface of the water while bathing. If I were to take a pic on my hands and knees it would look very similar. I have gone through a myriad of emotions over the last 8 years (since achieving my goal). I have been desperate for a tummy tuck but understand that being a preacher’s wife with 5 babies on a single income, plastic surgery is not in my future. I also run and have been training for a marathon (I completed 16 weeks of a 19 week training schedule) this weekend and will not be able to run due to a calcaneal stress fracture. I’ve been feeling as if my body has been failing me. Your line, “I ran 10 miles” was such an encouragement. Even though I can’t run Saturday my longest training run was 16.5 miles. Isn’t that alone a great accomplishment? I’ve birthed 5 beautiful babies whom I cherish. My husband thinks I’m beautiful and I am going to have to let this go. My skin issues do not determine my worth (or lack there of). Thank you for making me “look” at my skin and deal with it so I can move forward.
In the end, I am a child of God. I am worth something, I am worth everything because HE has redeemed me. There is no amount of surgery, exercise or diet that can give me value. My desire is to honor God in all things. I need to be a good steward over this physical body and focus on worshiping it's Creator.