Monday, October 13, 2008

Sleepless...But Not Hopeless

95%...

Our baby has a 95% chance of being okay. Our doctor made the comment, "Let's turn the statistics around for a minute. 1 in 21 sounds scary but that's 4.6%. Your child has a 95.4% of being just fine. If I sent you to the boats and gave you the same odds wouldn't you feel really confident?"

I understand the sentiment but the 4.6% chance that our precious baby will die and likely die before birth is too much. I can't sleep. I am in a constant state of prayer. I know that our God is in control and regardless of the outcome we have hope beyond this world.

"Psalm 139:13-18
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!"

I know that this baby is the Lord's. He/she is skillfully and wonderfully made. The Lord has a purpose that was outlined for their life before he/she was made. As I laid in bed earlier desperate for peace an old favorite song played in my head and became my prayer. Lord I Believe in You by Crystal Lewis.

Though I can't see Your holy face
And Your throne in heaven above
It seems so far away
Though I cant touch your nail scarred hands
I have a deep and unspeakable joy
That makes my faith to stand

Lord, I believe in You
I'll always believe in You
Though I cant see you with my eyes
Deep in my heart
Your presence I find
Lord, I believe in You
And I'll keep my trust in You
Let the whole world say what they may
No one can take this joy away
Lord, I believe

Born from above
You are Gods only chosen one
Youre the one and only true way
To the Fathers heart
You died for all sin
Then you rose and now live again
Conquering death and the grave
So that I might live

Lord, I believe in You
I'll always believe in You
Though I cant see you with my eyes
Deep in my heart
Your presence I find
Lord, I believe in You
And I'll keep my trust in You
Let the whole world say what they may
No one can take this joy away
Lord, I believe

We will find out in a couple hours (it's 4:40 a.m.) how soon they can schedule the next test. We will have a level 2 sonogram this week to see if the baby's organs look healthy. Trisomy 18 causes all kinds of horrific genetic defects with the internal organs. Jared and I prayed together tonight and not many words were said, but the Lord heard our cry, "Save our baby." Please be in prayer not only that our baby would rest in the 95% but that the test could be done today or possibly tomorrow so that our hearts and minds can rest.