Sunday, May 18, 2008

Brennan Conner

Jared and I (mainly me) have talked to the kids about whether or not they would be okay with more children in our family. I just figured if their lives are going to be affected I should at least hear what they have to say.

When the topic was first brought up they all were thrilled at the idea. Tanner said, "I want 10 kids Mom!" I really thought that it was a testament to how they feel about our family and their security that they would be so willing to share with another sibling. I really tried to explain the sacrifices that happen when you add another mouth to feed and person to love and care for. They were all still pretty positive.

Until the last couple days. Brennan has been extra clingy and just wants to talk and talk to me about anything and everything. He sits with me on the couch and reminds me constantly of his love for me. Yesterday he told me that he's been thinking about it and he's decided maybe he doesn't so much want another brother or sister.

Knowing how thoughtful he is I knew he had to have good reason. When I asked him why he simply stated, "I just worry you won't have enough time for me. So I want to spend as much time with you as I can."

I quickly reassured him of our undying love and affection for him. I also told him that we would always take extra time for each child and with home schooling he gets so much time with me one on one.

I have been thinking more and more about his comments and realized that of all my boys he's earned the right to be a little concerned. I love having babies but I don't do so well with being pregnant. I'm desperately eager for the baby and kinda wish away the pregnancy. Since Brennan's the oldest I have eagerly wished away 9 months of his little life 3 times and then been overwhelmed with a new infant.

Jared and I feel very strongly about spending individual time with each of our kids and that wouldn't ever change. I just think that his precious comments deserve thought and prayer. I am so thankful that he feels comfortable enough to express himself.

Brennan's our little worrier and knowing that we try extra hard to fill his cup of love to overflowing. I often quote Psalm 121 to him when he is afraid or concerned.

Psalm 121 (New Living Translation)

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.

Psalm 121

A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.

1 I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth!
3 He will not let you stumble;
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never slumbers or sleeps.

5 The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
6 The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon at night.

7 The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever.

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