How can I even begin to express the work God is doing in my life?
In this quest for another child I am learning so much about His providence. Jared and I have been concerned as I've stated for my emotional health. Most of you close to me are aware of the pains of my childhood. I have been reading Breaking Free by Beth Moore. She writes about breaking away from the chains that keep us from what God has promised us. We can have peace and rest on this earth through Him. The part that spoke to me the most was letting God be Lord over our present and future, but also making Him Lord of our past. Giving it all to Him so that I can finally put down that burden and allow healing and even someday be able to use it for His kingdom.
When speaking to my mentor she encouraged me to talk to the people who have left the deepest scars. She felt I was sacrificing my own peace and joy in order to keep a superficial peace and relationship with them. I have been in so much turmoil wondering how that would happen and what would it look like and it would it be worth it and on and on and on...
I had already had so much pain in my life that was left undone that when my dad passed I could no longer stand under it all. I quickly began to deteriorate emotionally.
God gave an opportunity that I am still in awe of. He has given me healing through a conversation I thought would never happen. During the exchange He took all my fear and gave me the ability to say everything that needed to be said with love and truth. Everything...Absolutely everything I ever desperately needed to hear was said.
The Lord has restored our relationship. I can not explain the relief in any way other than I have a relief that has put a peace in my heart and my mind that when I think on it tears of joy run down my cheeks. I feel like I have been holding my breath for 30 years and have finally been able to exhale.
God has pulled me out from under the pain and sat me on top of it VICTORIOUS!
He is so good and I am finally waking from the sleep of depression to see a world that was created by my God who is worthy to be praised.