This Is Me...

This is me trying to keep it all together.

Last night we had close to 6 hours of contractions every 5 minutes. By 4 in the morning they started to become a little more sporadic so we stayed home. I called the doc on call and he said to come in but they weren't really hurting to awful bad and I thought, "well if it's the real thing it will only get worse." Since we are self pay I'm really glad we didn't go in.

Unfortunately today I'm exhausted and sore from the contractions. My hot shower didn't stop those bad boys. They've continued today just a little further apart.

Last night's event has put me in panic mode. Do you realize all there is to be done to prepare for this little girl? Let alone a week long hospital stay if she were to come early (we start week 36 tomorrow).

My house is gross, I have laundry coming out my eye balls, there aren't any bags packed for any of us (the boys are heading to grandparents while we're away), bills need to be paid, and I still haven't called the hospital to let them know we're coming and make arrangements for payment. Our car tags are due at the end of the month or our cars will be illegal. I can't seem to get Anneliese's car seat to fit snuggly in the van.

I really do want to have the house stocked with prepared meals for the family. I can't imagine the first few weeks with 5 kids and no sleep is going to be a piece of cake so I want to be as prepared as possible.

We still haven't rearranged our room and put up the co-sleeper. Are you sensing the panic yet? Normally this would be a simple to do list and I would just start checking them off one by one. The problem is I'm exhausted, fatigued, and can't really walk very well plus I spend 90% of my day in the bathroom due to the ballet being performed on my bladder.

I called the Moms (mine and Jared's) and begged for help. Anita is on her way over to help with laundry and house work. My mom is coming on Tuesday to help put the meals together for the freezer. I'm hoping to do some grocery shopping on Sunday while Jared's home with the kids so we have what we need.

I guess I found my overload button. It's more than a little disconcerting for me. I'm a do-er. I accomplish things and find value and confidence in completing tasks. I know things will be fine. I do have a rational side, it's just not in control right now :)