Jared's sermon this morning was about trusting God. His sermon was based on Phil. 4:2-7. Verses 4-7 are the ones that pierced my heart.
"4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Our best guess about last month's confusion was that I had a chemical pregnancy. I've done quite a bit of reading just trying to make sense of what happened. Here is a clip of information from a site speaking about a "chemical" pregnancy.
"What is a Chemical Pregnancy?
A chemical pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg does not implant into the uterine wall. If a pregnancy test is taken just at the right time it will be positive, however, when a repeat test is taken several days later it will be negative. A chemical pregnancy leaves the couple to cope with the difficult news of thinking they were pregnant when in reality they are miscarrying. However, majority of women who have a chemical pregnancy never know they are pregnant before they miscarry and begin what they think is their normal menstrual cycle.
Signs and Symptoms of a Chemical Pregnancy
Due to the fact that in a chemical pregnancy a fertilized egg does not implant into the uterus most women do not experience signs and symptoms of pregnancy (ie. tender breast, nausea, and / or fatigue). There are a few reports of women who have been pregnant in the past who state that they felt pregnant with their chemical pregnancy. There may be mild abdominal cramping as well as mild spotting just prior to what most women think is their normal menstrual cycle. The menstrual cycle usually begins on time or a few days late."
This is exactly what we went through and probably wouldn't have even known had we not been keeping track. So this month I have taken pregnancy tests for the last several days getting progressively darker lines and they show up instantly. This morning's test was the best. I find great comfort in that because it shows my hormones are increasing and the constant positives give me hope that this pregnancy will be okay.
I have realized in the last couple days as the reality has set in that I am already worried about the health and safety of this precious life. It's a little shocking that we are pregnant already. It's wonderful but obviously the fear of losing another pregnancy (we've lost 3) can be paralyzing. In Jared's sermon this morning he mentioned a quote that basically said for a Christian to worry is an insult to God.
I've been reading online about the 5th week and how the heart forms this week. The website specifically says not to get too excited at this stage because the next few weeks are "critical" in the baby's development. They warn against making large announcements (like posting it on the internet? oops). My theory is we believe life begins at fertilization and if we were to lose this pregnancy we would want the love and support of our family and friends.
I have been convicted about my fears. My God is the maker of heaven and earth. He loves this little life more than I can even imagine. The best part is with His peace regardless of what happens I will not be moved. We appreciate your prayers for our little bean and for me as I learn to let go of things I ultimately have no control over. It is my desire to access the peace mentioned above through prayer, petition and with thanksgiving.