Since the reality has started to settle in my worry gland is in overdrive. Last night I sat up with Jared until midnight expressing all my fears and concerns surrounding the pregnancy, our finances, the house, home schooling, the other kids and on and on and on. I swear his hair was blown back. He just looked at me with a wide eyed stare.
He gently said, "Why don't you go to bed and rest." So I went to bed but rest didn't come. One of my "issues" is not being able to find a baby girl name that is both unique and beautiful. I laid in bed last night praying and laying all these concerns before Him when I asked, "Can I not come up with any girl names because we're having another boy? Is it futile to ponder and search when it's not going to happen?"
I want names that have meaning. I told Jared that I liked the name Mary simply because of the story in the bible about Mary and Martha. I am a Martha and I want to be more of a Mary. If we were to have a daughter I would want to raise her to prioritize sitting at the feet of Jesus (Mary) over all else and not be a worker bee like her momma (Martha). The name would be a reminder of that goal. The problem is neither of us really like it enough to use it.
During my prayer and petition I started in on all my concerns and stresses and I truly believe the Lord said, "Lily." (not audible, just the thoughts weren't mine. I'm not hearing voices, it's all good). I was reminded of Matthew chapter 6:25-34.
Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I laid there reminded of how God has always provided and will continue to. I was also given a name that I adore. Lilianna or Lily interchangeably. How precious to have a child that is a constant reminder of how God provides and we aren't to worry about any of it. My job is to seek Him first and the rest will follow.
Now...I just have to see what Jared thinks :)