Reality

I know it's going to sound like ridiculous at 5 weeks, but I'm stinking showing. I know I'm not gaining weight because I'm too ill to eat much. My belly is bloated and my shirts are tight around my middle. That baby is the size of a grain of rice!! What's up?!

I am completely aware that with each baby it becomes harder to "hide" but seriously? Are there 4 in there??? I'm already bracing myself for the, "are you sure there's not 2," and "when are you due?"

I asked Jared if he was going to make an announcement at church letting everyone know about our newest addition. I have two very selfish reasons. 1)I want people to know that I'm not just gaining my weight back. 2) And...I want people to know how much we deliberated over this decision and it was prayerful and planned.

I'm not sure why I care other than I'm hormonal and I'm female.

I really thought that the weight issue wouldn't affect me as much as it had in the past because I am doing SO much better when it comes to not obsessing. I haven't even weighed myself much in months (I used to weigh multiple times a day).

BUT...I can feel an ugliness washing over me. Can you say HORMONES!! It's just ridiculous but those thoughts just keep creeping in.

I am going to start a walking routine in the morning. I think that a little time on my own with my worship music will be a boost to my morale as well as my health. My weight is a little higher than it was with the last 2 and I really want to keep it in check vs gaining 60 lbs like before. I am determined to have a healthy pregnancy both physically and emotionally.